Two Men and a Baby
by Molly-Chan the AnimeGame Fan
Summary: You know how much the story would change if you just turned someone into a baby, right? -Aster/Richter, Marta/Emil, Spoilers, Crackfic, One-shot ToS2-


This small one-shot mainly was inspired from the fanfic _Dimensional Rift_ by the ever-talented Hikaru Irving (Whom, I can't wait for her to update a certain cross-over fic of Tales of Symphonia and Abyss). This is just a crack filled one-shot bent on just making an Aster/Richter. And...you know...Baby Emil! Heheheheheee.  
**Warnings**  
Crack!  
Spoilers (For Chapter 6 and beyond)!  
Boy-Love!  
OOCness for All!  
Implied Emil/Marta!  
Slight cursing!  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World/Knight of Ratatosk!

_**Two Men and a Baby**_

Richter stared, he couldn't help it. He then glanced to the edges of the dark hall, than over to his companion who was just blinking mildly, than over to Aqua and the newest Centurion (Richter had yet to learn his name, but it was more then kind of strange to see a dog-looking dark being) who were also staring. So, good to know he wasn't the only one stunned.

'_He's so cute!_' Richter couldn't help but think loudly then the man besides him finally spoke,

"He looks like I did when I was a baby." And without any hesitation, he bent down to pick the bubbly looking one-year-old, who chirped and giggled at being picked up by his look-a-like.

"How is this possible?" The stranger Centurion finally spoke, flouting to Aster's side with shock clearly spoken on its furry face.

"Lord Ratatosk...he's...so...CUTE!" Aqua jumped to Aster's grip and sweeped the baby away, flouting around and holding the blonde baby around.

"AQUA! PUT HIM DOWN THIS INSTANT!" The dog yelped after her, panicking as she kept moving around and dancing with the baby (and throwing him in the air! AHHHH!), only to take the baby with his elongated tail, rushing to the seal that Ratatosk had previously been in. He growled visibly and kept the babbling baby close.

"Tene-bone-head! Give him back!" Aqua pouted at the loss of the _adorable_ baby.

"Aqua! What were you thinking? You could have hurt him!" Aster voiced his opinion, walking up to Tene-bone-head with no fear and snatched the baby with what seemed like inhuman strength. Richter finally shook his head, finally understanding part of the situation. Ratatosk, lord of the previous tree and balancer of mana, had been turned into a baby.

A baby that looked like Aster.

'_Too cute! Too cute!_' Richter breathed uneasily in his head but then forced himself to take a stern face.

"If you frown too much you'll get lines across your forehead." Aster complained, letting the baby play with his finger. Richter blanched then cleared his throat, walking up to Aster (who had been cuddling said look-a-like to his chest, keeping the Centurion of Darkness' tail away from snatching him back) and gave a stern frown.

"We have to kill him." Aster gave a dull look, then flicked Richter's forehead (which moved back with a violent pace that looked like it could have broken his neck),

"Don't be stupid." The red-head half-elf held his forehead, twitching in pain as Aster continued, "He can't die easily first of all, and if we do kill him, chances of the door to the demonic realm opening are extremely high. So there will be no killing." He stated in a rather abnormal scientific voice.

"But he was talking of destroying the world!" The toddler gave a loud giggle at Richter's anxious voice. Aqua then drifted to Aster and also let the baby play with her long finger, bubbling in a motherly sort of baby talk. This situation was serious damn it! Why wasn't anyone taking it as so!?

"So? Haven't you ever thought of doing the same?" Aster asked honestly, blinking with a dull blunt tone.

"N-No!" The blonde gave a somewhat evil grin,

"No?"

"NO!" Richter denied, then realizing his voice, he looked down with a blush. Aster just gave a loud laugh that was obviously mocking but in good fun, letting Aqua take the baby (who had been slightly joined in by Tenebrae with babbling the adorable baby talk to it) and patted Richter's head (despite their height difference).

"You're so cute!" Aster continued laughing and Richter groaned in his head. Dammit, no one liked to be called cute! Only Aster would have the _gall_ to even say such a thing!

"We have to do something though Aster."

"Oh, I agree whole-heartingly. After all, mana is spastic, right? And the monsters will be something troublesome too, but I have no idea what we can do with Ratatosk in this state."

"You could find someone who could release the seals on the Centurion's Cores." The long-eared dog carefully inputted, twitching slightly as Aqua threw Ratatosk high into the air.

"Oh?" The dark being nodded slowly, giving a glare over to Richter but seemed fine with the one Lord Ratatosk had taken form of (somehow, he didn't want to even attempt to understand).

"Yes, if you can find the one who has the ability to release the seals on the cores, the weather should turn as it should be. Though the monsters will still be a problem as Lord Ratatosk does not have the power to make any pacts. If you find the one who can break the seals, they will have to choose someone to be a Knight to help the balance in the meantime."

"Oh, so is that how it works?" Richter paled, looking over at the blonde researcher, as his eyes nearly started to _glow_. "Is that how it works? How very interesting." Tenebrae looked uncomfortable for a moment, as the researcher's stare was often found intimidating by everyone (_except_ Rilena because she was just as crazy as Aster for the same reasons).

"Yes, but we need to find that person as fast as possible."

"Why would Ratatosk take this form?" Richter voiced, gulping as he took a few steps away from the manic in front of him.

"...I do not know. I'm not even sure this was Lord Ratatosk's choice."

"Ahaha! Oh yeah! He was probably trying to kill me with that weird arte! Good thing I had Richter here!" The redhead gave a sigh. He was out of his scary mode...but back into the mode that made no sense to _anyone_. How could someone act so happy about what you planned to be the savior trying to kill you?

"I...I must apologize in Lord Ratatosk's stead." He bowed his head politely, "We have been by Lord Ratatosk's side for the most part, and he watched horrible things happen. I'm afraid that all of the evil was too much for him to take."

"Well I can't say I blame him." Aster bluntly replied back, making Richter sigh again. "Yeah, there are plenty of evils in this world, but couldn't have someone pointed out the goods too?"

"Lumen...likes to sleep..." Aqua drew out for a moment, looking over to where the other Centurion's would have been if they were not sleeping in their cores.

"Lumen?"

"Oh yeah! That's the name of the Centurion of Light, isn't it?" AH! The _Research!Mode!_ was back! AH! Aqua was lucky she was holding the baby, otherwise it looked like Aster would have possibly jumped her to get more info.

"Y-Yeah..."

"That must mean...you're the Centurion of Darkness! Tenebrae!" The dog shape-shifter shifted, only barely being saved from being tackled and questioned by Richter's arms around the researcher's waist.

"C-Could we ask questions and apologies for later? Let's just get out of this place."

"Ah, yes. Good idea. This isn't a good place for a baby to grow up after all."

'_That's not why I want to get out of here_.' Richter moaned in his head, as Aster easily got out of his grip and yoinked the baby from Aqua and started making his way back up. "WAIT!" Richter yelled, being Aster's only protection from the monsters in the area, being followed by two Centurions.

* * *

They were back in Sybak (after reporting they really didn't find anything (Aster had been the one to deliver that news because well, Richter _sucked_ at lying)), and they were in the Research Lab.

"...He's too cute." Rilena muttered, taking the baby from Aster's warm hands.

"I know, isn't he?" Aster laughed and Richter glared.

'_Shouldn't we be worrying about the world here?_'

"Where'd you find him? He looks exactly like you."

"Oh? I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry Rilena. He's mine and Richter's." Richter's skull contacted the wall, and became good friends with the wall.

'_AHHHH! DON'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! YOU'LL TOTALLY BE MISUNDERSTOOD!_' Richter cried in his head, a blush overcoming his face.

"Oh I see the resemblance."

'_WHAT RESEMBLANCE!?_'

"Yeah. I'm sorry I forgot."

"Oh no, I understand. Babies take so much work. Speaking of which, I'll go ahead and change this one for you."

"Thank you Rilena!" The blonde woman took off, humming with the baby's head flung across her shoulder. Richter stood there, giving Aster the most embarrassed glare of his entire lifetime. "Is something wrong?"

"How could you say something like that without missing a beat!?"

"What do you mean?" Aster grinned. Aqua popped up, her big black paw-hands covering her flushing face,

"Master Richter! I didn't know you could get pregnant!"

"SEE! Stuff that makes people assume crazy things!" Richter flushed, giving a glare to Aqua for performing the joke. This wasn't funny! This was making fun of his manly pride!

"...But technically he is ours." Aster closed his eyes in almost deep thought and Richter found himself paling. "I mean, if you didn't do that that counter attack, who knows what would have happened?" Aster then shrugged, "But because you _did_ do that, he somehow turned into a baby. So it's both of our fault, so we have to take responsibility." Richter gave a long hard stare to the green-eyed man, who kept his eyes close. _What_ was he _thinking_? Richter looked away, a blush came as his own thoughts went to the non-clean side of a man's brain. A horrible wonderful place where every normal man ventured every six seconds.

"Aster..."

"Richter...please understand..." Richter gave a long sigh, brushing back part of his hair. The door opened and Aqua poofed away, and as Rilena walked in Aster called out, "I REALLY WANT TO BE A DAD!" Rilena paused at the door, the toddler still over her shoulder, looking over to Richter as he had frozen into stone.

"Oh, an argument? How counterproductive."

"Ahaha, I know, but Richter needs to know my feelings."

"True, true. It's very important to communicate."

'_THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. THESE ARE MY FRIENDS!_' Richter cried in his head, almost crying visibly, and never had felt more embarrassed in his entire life.

* * *

"So what should we call him?" Richter asked plainly, after having settled in the lab in the basement, back in his research clothes that were often supplied to them. He groaned in his head for a moment, tumbling with the headache that would have killed normal people. Aster blinked, and glared.

"Obviously, Ratatosk."

"But...if he's going to grow up like a normal human, we don't want to remind him that he's really Ratatosk."

"I agree," Tenebrae appeared, though below Richter's desk as there had been other people around (but most of them heavily into their research), "If you wish for Lord Ratatosk to change, it may very well begin with his name."

Flick.

Richter's head snapped back once again.

"Don't be stupid." Aster lectured. "What if you turned into a baby? Would you want me to call you Sir Wellington Thomas the III?"

'_WHO THE HELL WOULD CALL THEIR BABY THAT!?_' The red-head yelled but didn't argue back, "No." He ended up replying back.

"Exactly. So just because he's still Ratatosk at heart doesn't mean he can't change. So it's just best to still call him Ratatosk...though...that's kind of boring." Aster then held the baby out, who gave a blink with bright green eyes, "Aqua, what would be a good nick-name for our new baby?"

"Hmmm...a nickname for Lord Ratatosk..." Aqua appeared, this time in front of people, not worried about their reactions because she had been around them often enough.

"Aqua, I forbid you to do such a thing."

"Oh shut up you spiteful thing!" Aqua hissed very much like a cat, "Now...hmmm..." Aqua's face completely blanked. Aster stared at her with the same face, while the two more serious beings by a desk just shook their heads. What on _Earth_ was wrong with these two? "Maybe we should give him another name."

"I agree."

'_WHAT THE HELL!?_' Richter and Tenebrae both cursed in their minds.

"...I can't think up anything though."

"Neither can I." The two then turned their heads to Richter, eyes glowing bright and full...like...like...

'_AHHHH. Puppy eyes! RUN! RUN BODY! RUN!'_

"Can you think up anything Richter?" The half-elf shifted in his chair unhappily, and looked away. Yup, definitely the most embarrassing day in his life. He hadn't blushed this much since that one incident with Rilena stumbling upon Richter trying on something for Aster (what that was, Richter had forbidden the words to even enter his mind, so we shall never know).

"J-Junior?" He managed to cough out, keeping his face away from Aster's own. The Centurion of Water and human blinked then looked back to the baby and both grinned maniacal grins.

"That's perfect!"

"Are you serious?" Tenebrae asked from his place underneath the desk.

"Of course! It's so cute and it fits Lord Ratatosk perfectly!" Aqua squealed, taking the baby again and babbling to it in that annoying motherly baby talk, only to have the baby talk back.

"Richter, are you accepting you're a father now?" Richter groaned.

"No, it's just he looks so much like you, so..." Richter stilled as Aster gave a kiss on the cheek, jumping back to Aqua to play with baby Ratatosk Junior.

"...This is sickening."

"I agree, whole-heartingly." Richter muttered back, groaning loudly to bang his head against his own desk.

* * *

"So how are we going to find this person who can release the seals?" Aster asked, after having changed Ratatosk into new clothes, and bouncing the baby up and down his lap.

"Well, you'll probably need this." Tenebrae swooped his tail to reveal a red sphere in his tail. Aster blinked,

"What is that?" Richter asked the question on both their minds.

"This is a version of Lord Ratatosk's core. He made this in order for any humans after the power of the cores would chase after this instead of him."

"Spiteful Tenebrae! When did you pick that up?"

"You may had all been preoccupied by Lord Ratatosk's...state, but I was not." Aqua huffed and started to tickle the baby (who laughed and spazzed for a good ten minutes). Richter didn't understand, yes, this form was _adorable_, but why were so many people paying attention to him?

"Why do we need that?"

"It will respond with the one who can release the seals." Aster placed his hand on it, then frowned deeply.

"It didn't do anything."

"That's because you're not it, obviously." Richter blankly stated, while Aster just shrugged.

"Well, that will just take forever then. We can't get people to just randomly touch this, I mean, it would be crazy to go up marching to people and saying 'Hey! Touch this, you may be the person who can save the world!'"

'_Why do I have a feeling that is _exactly _what you would do if you didn't have that baby in your lap?_'

"True. I shall see if there is anybody on the surface that may have some form of connection with Lord Ratatosk." Tenebrae took the sphere back to its hiding place (wherever that was) and scanned in his own way then seemed to jump. "How strange. I can sense the direction where there's a possibility."

"Really?" Aqua blinked and scanned in her own way as well and blinked, "That _is_ strange. I can sense it too."

"Well then! What are we waiting for! Let's go!"

"...We can't travel with a baby." Richter sternly grunted, glaring at his friend, tormentor, and boyfriend. "That's just dangerous, not to mention he's Ratatosk." Aster 'hmmmed' then placed the baby down on the ground. He moved away from the child and pointed down to his feet,

"Come to daddy Junior."

'_What is this supposed to accomplish?_' Richter asked but of course got not answer. Ratatosk blinked, as though seeming to understand the words and Richter jumped as though he could feel the very air change and watched as the baby got up in a determined state and walked to Aster...with...red...eyes?

"See, he's capable. He can come."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Richter finally voiced what his mind had been crying for the few days. "WHAT DOES-" He was interrupted, with an abrupt kiss to his mouth, and was even more forced back as Aster took complete control despite their differences and pulled back after two suffering wonderful minutes.

"Besides we can't leave him. Would _you_ trust the Director to take care of him?" No, but that was besides the point. Too bad Richter couldn't talk. "Now let's get packed, come on Aqua."

"Okay!" Aqua chirped and followed after Aster. Tenebrae looked at the poor frozen half-elf and shook his head. It seems that in human relationships whoever was dominant still had control over the situation, that still not had not changed in 4000 years.

* * *

"Ah! Palmacosta! It's actually pretty nice here!"

"Probably because none of the cores are in the way here." Tenebrae looked over at Aqua, who avoided his gaze on purpose. Aster then looked over at Richter, who looked very sore.

"You okay Richter?"

"Why am I holding Ratatosk?"

"Junior, Richter, Junior! You wanted to call him that in the first place, so have the courtesy to do what you wanted to do!" Richter gave a blatant glare to Aster then looked down at the sleeping baby. As far as babies go, Ratatosk was actually a really _good_ one. He didn't cry that often, he didn't get hungry that often (and Aster made him extremely good meals), and when he slept he was even _more_ adorable. How something _so_ cute could exist, Richter didn't want to know.

"Fine, Junior. Why am I holding him?"

"To bond with him." Why was he so blunt? "After all, you wouldn't want your son growing up hating you."

"Nope, you wouldn't want that Master Richter." Aqua agreed, nodding with happiness. Richter gave a loud sigh, and they continued walking through the town, then bumped into someone.

"Oops, sorry." The teenager said, bowing once before taking off and being chased after another girl with blonde hair and some weird hat on. Richter jumped as Ratatosk stirred in his arms and seemed to start crying. Oh for Martel's sake. Aster took Ratatosk away and tried to rock him but it didn't work and gave him back to Richter to rock while turning over to the invisible spot he assumed was Tenebrae.

"Is something wrong Tenebrae?"

"I don't think so, but there was something about that girl..." Tenebrae hesitated and Richter turned around to chase after the two girls, bawling baby as a background noise.

"HEY YOU!" He yelled out, stopping whatever onslaught the light-blonde hair girl was going to do to the strange girl. "Catch!"

"RICHTER!" Aster cried out in shock, as Richter threw the baby straight into the blue-eyed girl's arms. Said girl blink and the baby stopped crying. Richter gave a sigh of relief, only to get punched so hard in the face his glasses shattered and he ended up on the ground.

"I'm sorry miss." The girl took a glance over to the other girl, who humped and ran off, grumbling to herself, and sighed.

"It's no problem, I'm Marta, how about you?"

"I'm Aster." Richter had yet to recover from his injuries, so he stayed on the ground where it was safe. "I'm sorry my wife-" OH FOR THE LORD OF MARTEL! "did that, he doesn't know any anything about babies." Marta gave a blush and stared over at Richter on the ground, then back to Aster, and her blush grew even bigger.

"Oh? Love?" Her eyes seemed like they were about to shine.

"Uh-huh." Aster said, no shame at all in his voice. Yup, the ground was definitely the safest place to be. Marta gave mad little giggles and started to hand back baby Ratatosk, only for the baby to cause a stir when in Aster's arms.

"Huh, it seems Lord Ratatosk has found the seal breaker all on his own." Marta blinked wildly and looked around in confusion then looked down at Richter. She then shrugged and stared at the baby even closer.

"He looks a lot like you." She noted, ignoring whatever the voice had said before. The baby babbled cutefully and she giggled as he placed his hands on her face. "Sooo cute!"

"Do you want marry him?"

'_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?_' Marta jumped at the suggestion and she looked away.

"M-Marry? M-Me? Oh, I would want to someday...but...I haven't found my knight yet."

"Oh he's right there in your arms though, young lady. He'll look just like me when he grows older you know, and he can already tell you're soul mates, otherwise he wouldn't rise such a fuss." Aster lied with perfection. "I would bless your union." Marta giggled and held the baby close to her chest.

"Stop it! You're embarrassing me!" She was grinning like a fool though. Aster held out his hand behind back and Tenebrae calmly placed the fake core of Ratatosk in his hand.

"Oh no, I mean it. In fact as proof of this union, I want you to accept this," Aster pulled the sphere out and put in Marta's free hand, "as proof of a happy couple." Marta jumped as though it electrified her and her face was burning.

"Oh! Oh! But he's so young! I can't!" She continues giggling though, and continued to grin like a fool. Richter had then finally come to the assumption that all humans were insane. Just as simple as that. That was the reason why this world seemed crazy, because humans were insane.

* * *

_Thirteen Years Later_

"Dad, Marta came up to me saying that we're supposed to get married soon." Aster blinked as Richter hit his head hard against the wall.

"Well son, I had promised your body to her in order to save the world."

"Don't say it like that!" Lumen (a bright yellow bird that resembled a canary but it was too big) yelled, jumping on Ratatosk's shoulder. "You did it because it was obvious it was love!"

"Ahaha, of course." Aster laughed and Richter groaned. There was just something fundamentally wrong with this, something extremely wrong with this.

"Don't worry about it Junior," Richter patted the boy on the head as Aster went to go feed the monsters in the backyard, "She'll wait at least another three years."

"...What do you mean by that father?"

"Junior...I mean...we had no choice with who we fall in love with. They took us the instant they saw us, and owned us. Soul, heart, and body."

"...You make love sound depressing father." Though make no mistake, Richter was happy. Just in a very insane way.

"Oh Junior, you have _no_ idea."

_**The End**_

Ahahaha...ah...crack...crack is so good. Don't take this seriously. It was just a nice crazy, cracky fanfic, and so weird. I know. SO, SO, WEIRD. Hehehehe. Ah. I enjoyed myself, I hope anybody who else reads this crazy thing also enjoyed it, please review!


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